New kid on the block:

helping your kids adjust to a new school

By Angelica A. de Leon

All of us have our “firsts.” Whether it is our first love, first kiss, first job, first salary, first car, or first trip – we remember it vividly, each one highlighting a phase in our lives.

But what about our first day in school?

For some of us, it may be a day of excitement and anticipation because it means seeing friends and crushes again after a long vacation. But what about the transferees? How do they cope on their first day at a new school?

Many of us can relate to this problem. According to studies and newspaper reports, the number of Filipino students dropping out of private schools to enroll in public schools has dramatically increased the past few years owing to the tuition fee hikes and the seemingly endless stream of inflation.

If you’ve experienced being a transferee, do you remember your first day? Was it exciting, enjoyable and memorable? Or was it an experience you would rather forget?

The Newbie

Case 1: For 13-year-old Tammy, it is a stressful experience. A high school freshman, she is a newcomer in her school - the fresh face in the crowd, the new kid on the block. In her old school, she easily made friends. But this year, she has difficulty befriending the other girls. Anxiety fills her heart, she has trouble eating and she also cries often.

The school is a child’s second home. He spends several hours a day in the place. His teachers become his second mothers and fathers; and his classmates, his playmates. School is simply at the center of his life.

But what if he has to transfer to a new one? Suddenly, the campus is different, the faces of teachers and classmates become faces of strangers, and the system and culture are alien. Add to this the complexity of more difficult school subjects.

He then has to grapple with different issues and emotions with regard to his new environment, especially in the case of teenagers like Tammy. Will my classmates like me? What should I do to make friends? Will my teachers appreciate me? Is the school strict on rules? Will I be happy? These are some of the questions in his mind as the schoolyear approaches – questions that make his palms sweat, cause his heart to beat faster, and lower his level of confidence on the dreaded first day of school.

As they start school, younger children may refuse to speak up in class. They tend to be quiet and play alone in a corner, instead of joining the other kids.

As parents, you have a significant role in reversing the situation and helping your child face the experience with more courage. Here are things you can do to achieve this.

1. Make him participate. Allow your child to be involved in the process of selecting his new school. Tell him the choices and what each has to offer.
   
2. Be positive. As the school year approaches, talk to your child about his hopes and fears. To allay these feelings, tell him a lot
   of great things await him in his new environment, like new friends, fresh knowledge, etc. Remind him that the other kids feel the same way too.
   
3. Encourage him to join extra-curricular activities when he has adjusted a bit. Consider his hobbies and interests in this matter. A student is more likely to perform better academically if he is involved in a club, in sports or any sort of school activity. Train him to sleep and rise early. During summer, your child probably slept late, and woke up late. Get him into the habit of retiring early for the night in order to wake up early in the morning. This will make the transition easier for him when school begins.
   
4. Train him for this routine about two weeks before the first day of school. Having a good sleep will make him more enthusiastic, more alert, and happier.

Of course it will take time for him, especially among teenagers, to adjust. Give it a month or so. During this period, build up his self-esteem and courage to face the challenges of being a newcomer. To do this, Jan Faull, veteran parent educator, parenting book author and columnist as well as mother of three from Seattle, Washington offers the following tips:

1. Allow your child to solve his battles. Ask him about things which will make his schooldays a lot more fun. Encourage him to engage in his hobbies during recess, lunchtime, or in the afternoon while waiting for the family car.
   
2. Tell him he can do it. If you have had a similar experience, share that story with your child. Tell him that eventually, things fell into place for you and the others who were in the same situation.
   
3. Ask how you can help. Does he want you to talk to his teacher? Does he prefer packed lunch?
   
4. Ask him how he feels. Emphasize that his feelings are natural for a newcomer and let him know that you totally understand him. Other questions you may ask: "What's going on?" "What was your day like?" "What's the best and worst part?”

What about those innocent toddlers who are entering school for the first time? Definitely, mommy and daddy cannot sit beside them in the classroom.

Of course, we can also relate to this. To begin with, everyone who went to school was a first time student at the starting point of his
academic life. Do you recall your very first day at school? Were you one of those who cried a river inside the classroom when mommy or yaya was leaving? It was a totally new world for you back then, wasn’t it? And such a scary world it was, being in a room with strangers.

The Helpless First-timer

Case 2: For 5-year-old Stephen, it is traumatic. Until now, he has spent most of his time at a most familiar place: his home. He had grown comfortable in the company of people he calls mommy, daddy, kuya, ate, yaya, lolo and lola. They had never left his side. Until this fateful day. Suddenly, Stephen is thrust into a world he never knew. It is a world where he is surrounded by nameless children, teachers who do not look a bit like mommy or daddy. It is a place he does not call home. To make matters worse, his mommy is leaving him in the company of these strangers! She never left him before! Stephen cries his heart out in the classroom.

Of course parents will never run out of ways to prepare their youngster for his first school. Below are some of them:

1. Visit the school. Look for important places such as your child’s classroom(s), restrooms, canteen, playground, library, chapel, principal’s office, the different entranceways, etc…In this way, you can orient him and he will know his way around, and will therefore be less nervous.
   
2. Meet the teacher in advance. Introduce your child. The meeting need not be long. It will only serve as an opportunity for your tot to recognize his teacher on the first day of school.
   
3. Read the school handbook. If you have questions, ask in advance. It is important that your tot knows the rules beforehand so he will know what is expected of him.
   
4. Buy school supplies together. Make it a fun-filled experience. Let your child do the choosing for some items such as pencil case, lunch box and bag. You may also make a scavenger hunt sort of game out of the shopping experience.
   
5. Get your child’s class schedule in advance and discuss it with him.
   
6. Talk to him about you own experiences in school. Tell him about your friends, the field trips, the school programs, the clubs you joined and the things you learned. These will help get him excited.
   
7. Read to him. This, according to Sally Beroquist, a kindergarten teacher and mother from Olympia, Washington, is the most important thing parents can do to prepare their little ones for school. She also recommends teaching children to write their names before entering kindergarten. This will boost their confidence, she says, suggesting that they write their names on their school supplies.
   
8. Expose him to a wide variety of experiences. Take him to the mall, zoo, aquarium, park, museum, theater, beach. Also, give him plenty of time to interact with other children.
   
9. Toilet train him before the schoolyear starts. If this is a problem, talk to the teacher about it.
   
10. Tell your child about school issues like bullies and strangers lurking outside the campus. Search the bookstore or your local library for books dealing with these subjects. Surf the net for online references.
    
11. Give him plenty of hugs on his first day. Tell him you will be there waiting for him after classes. If you have to go back home, better be on time when you come back to fetch him in school.

The kid who cannot adjust

Case 3: Tricia, 16, is a bubbly girl. At her Makati school, she has lots of friends and is active in extracurricular activities. She is well liked by her teachers as well. She is so studious and diligent that she always ends up in the honor roll. Then comes the bad news: Their new house in Quezon City is now complete. The family has to move to their new address during the summer. Time passes and Tricia has a hard time adjusting. The teener complains of headaches and shows signs of depression. She has become withdrawn. She has also stopped being enthusiastic about homework. Tricia even refuses to go to school sometimes. Result: A lousy report card.

It’s natural for a newcomer to have low grades initially as he makes the adjustment. In due time, he will get used to his new surroundings and his grades will get better. However, there are cases when considerable time has elapsed and the child does not show any signs of improvement. He just does not have low grades, but he exhibits symptoms such as those of Tricia as well.

In the case of very young students such as kindergarteners, old habits like thumbsucking and wanting to sleep with their parents may re-surface – signs that the youngster has difficulty adjusting in school.

For elementary students, symptoms include stomach ache, vomiting, refusal to engage in extracurricular activities and reluctance to go to school. When these happen and the child misses more than three days of school due to these indications, then it’s time to consult a physician or the guidance counselor.

So, is your child ready for the first day of school?

SOURCES:

http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/departments/elementary/?article=kindergarten
http://www.wikihow.com/Prepare-a-Child-for-the-First-Day-of-School-or-Kindergarten
http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/60
MBC Research Reports: http://www.mbc.com.ph/economic_research/mbcrr/no78/default.htm
http://www.lhj.com/lhj/story.jhtml?storyid=/templatedata/lhj/story/data/PExpert_09162003_NewHighSchool.xml
http://www.lvh.org/healthyyou/Raising_a_Family/Parenting_Teenagers%7C1805